Thanks Sarah!

I heard that jokes were in order so here you go, I got a good laugh out of this and I hope you guys do too. Say hi to Jason for me.

These are actual writings on hospital charts:

~ Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

~ On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

~ The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

~ The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

~ Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

~ Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

~ The patient refused autopsy.

~The patient has no previous history of suicides.

~ Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

~ Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

~ Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

~ She is numb from her toes down.

~ While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

~ The skin was moist and dry.

~ Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

~ Patient was alert and unresponsive.

~ Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

~ She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

~ I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

~ Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

~ Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

~ The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

~ The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.

~ Skin: somewhat pale but present.

~ The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

~ Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

~ Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

~ Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities